Kwixesha elidlulileyo, ubudlelwane babungeniswa ebomini, obabufanele buqhubeke kuzo zonke iindleko. Amaxesha amaninzi amaqabane ayengazani okanye engazani ngaphambi kokuba atshate. Namhlanje sibona enye into egqithileyo: abantu abaninzi banokukhetha ukophula ubudlelwane babo kunokuba benze ulungelelwaniso olubalulekileyo ukugcina ubudlelwane.
Uvuyo kunye nengxaki yobudlelwane iyaqhubeka inomdla kuye wonke umntu, kubandakanya uninzi lweengqondo kunye nabanyangi bezonyango. Nangona kunjalo, abo bafumana ukuqonda kwimithetho yomoya esixhenxe yobudlelwane banokuzisindisa kwimbandezelo enkulu.
Le mithetho isixhenxe kukuzibandakanya, uluntu, ukukhula, unxibelelwano, ukwenza isipili, uxanduva kunye noxolelo. UFerrini uchaza ngokucacileyo nangokuqinisekileyo ukuba le mithetho ibuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane bethu.
Iindawo ezintathu zencwadi zimalunga nokuba wedwa, ukuba nobudlelwane, kwaye ekugqibeleni utshintshe okanye (ngothando) ukuvala unxibelelwano olukhoyo. Abantu abazimisele ukuthatha uxanduva ngokupheleleyo kwinkqubo yabo yokuphilisa kwaye baxolelayo baya kuziva betsalelekile kwindlela kaFerrini yokujongana nemicimbi yobudlelwane.
Imithetho esi-7 yokomoya yobudlelwane
1. Umthetho wokubandakanya
Ubudlelwane bokomoya bufuna ukubandakanyeka
Ukuba uqala ukwenza izivumelwano kubudlelwane bakho, umthetho wokuqala ngulo: nyaniseka. Musa ukwenza ngokwahlukileyo kunokuba unjalo. Sukwenza izivumelwano ongenakukulandela, ukukholisa omnye umntu. Ukuba unyanisekile kweli nqanaba, uya kusindisa ububi obuninzi kwixesha elizayo. Ke ungaze uthembise nantoni na ongenako ukuyinika. Umzekelo, ukuba iqabane lakho lilindele ukuba uthembeke kwaye uyazi ukuba kunzima ukuzibophelela emntwini, sukuthembisa ukuba uya kuhlala uthembekile. Yithi: Ndiyaxolisa; Andinakuthembisa ukuba.
Ukulungiselela ukulunga kunye nokulingana kubudlelwane, izithembiso ozenzayo komnye nomnye mazibe ngokudibeneyo kwaye zingaveli kwicala elinye. Ngumthetho wokomoya ongenakukufumana oko ungenako ukuzinika kona. Ke sukulindela izithembiso ezivela kwiqabane lakho ongafuni kuzenza zona.
Kuya kufuneka sigcine izithembiso zethu ixesha elide kangangoko sinakho ngaphandle kokungcatsha thina. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ikwangumthetho wokomoya ukuba awukwazi ukuthatha omnye umntu ngokungathí sina kwaye wenze ubulungisa kuwe ukuba uzibonakalise.
Umthetho wokubandakanyeka ugcwele ngokuzeleyo kunye nokuphazamiseka. Ukuba awufuni kugcina isithembiso sakho, awusenzi isithembiso. Kodwa ukuba uyasigcina isithembiso sakho ngenxa yokuba netyala okanye uziva unyanzelekile, umqondiso uphulukana nentsingiselo yawo. Ukwenza isithembiso ngumqondiso wokuzithandela. Ukuba ayisenakukhetha, ilahlekelwa yintsingiselo. Njalo gcina iqabane lakho likhululekile ekwenzeni izithembiso zalo, ukuze lihlale libandakanyeka nawe ngokuthembekileyo ngoku nakwixesha elizayo. Ngumthetho wokomoya onokuthi ube nayo kuphela into onobuganga bokuyishiya. Okukhona usinika isipho, kokukhona sinokunikwa.
2. Umthetho weSidlo
Ubudlelwane bokomoya bufuna ukudityaniswa
Kulucelomngeni ukuba nolwalamano nomntu ongakwaziyo ukudibana nombono wakho wobudlelwane, amaxabiso kunye nemilinganiselo, indlela ophila ngayo, umdla wakho kunye nendlela yakho yokwenza izinto. Ngaphambi kokuba ucinge ngokungena kubudlelwane obunzulu nomntu, kubalulekile ukuba wazi ukuba niyonwabela inkampani yomnye nomnye, nihloniphana, kwaye ninento efanayo kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo.
Emva kokuba isigaba sothando sifike kwisigaba sokwenyani, kwesi sigaba, sijongana nomceli mngeni wokwamkela iqabane lethu njengoko linjalo. Asinakumtshintsha ukuze alingane nomfanekiso esinawo weqabane. Zibuze ukuba ungalamkela na iqabane lakho njengokuba linjalo ngoku. Akukho qabane lifezekileyo. Akukho qabane lifezekileyo. Akukho qabane lihlangabezana nazo zonke izinto esizilindeleyo namaphupha ethu.
Eli nqanaba lesibini lobudlelwane limalunga nokwamkela amandla omnye nomnye kunye nobuthathaka, ubumnyama, kunye nezinto ezikhanyayo, ezinethemba, kunye nolindelo olulindelekileyo. Ukuba uzibekele iinjongo zobudlelwane obuhlala buhleli, obusomeleza ngokomoya, kuya kufuneka uqinisekise ukuba wena neqabane lakho ninombono ekwabelwana ngawo kolo lwalamano kwaye niyavumelana ngeemfundiso zakho kunye neenkolelo, inqanaba lenu lomdla, kunye nenqanaba lokuzibophelela kunye .
3. Umthetho wokuKhula
Kubudlelwane bokomoya, bobabini kufuneka babe nenkululeko yokukhula kwaye bazivakalise ngokwabantu.
Umahluko ubaluleke kakhulu kubudlelwane njengokufana. Uyabathanda abantu abafana nawe ngokukhawuleza okukhulu, kodwa akukho lula kangako ukuthanda abantu abangavumelaniyo neenqobo zakho ezisemgangathweni, kunye neminqweno yakho. Kuya kufuneka uthande ngokungathandabuzekiyo oku. Ubambiswano lokomoya lusekwe kuthando olungenamiqathango kunye nokwamkelwa.
Imida ibalulekile kubudlelwane. Inyaniso yokuba nitshatile ayithethi ukuba uyeke ukuba ngumntu ozimeleyo. Unokulinganisa ukuqiniswa kobudlelwane ngendlela amaqabane akhululeke ngayo ukuba eze ngaphakathi kwekhonkco ekuziqondeni ngokwakho.
Ukukhula kunye noluntu lubaluleke ngokulinganayo kubudlelwane. Umdibaniso ukhuthaza uzinzo kunye nemvakalelo yokusondela. Ukukhula kukhuthaza ukufunda kunye nokwandiswa kwengqondo. Xa imfuneko yokhuseleko (indibaniselwano) ilawula kubudlelwane, kukho ingozi yokuma ngokwasemphefumlweni kunye nonxunguphalo loyilo.
Ukuba isidingo sokukhula sihamba phambili, kukho umngcipheko wokungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo, ukulahleka konxibelelwano, kunye nokuzithemba. Ukuthintela ezi ngxaki zinokubakho, wena neqabane lakho kufuneka nijonge ngononophelo ekukhuleni nakukhuseleko elowo nalowo akufunayo. Wena neqabane lakho kufuneka nizenzele isigqibo sokuba nithini isikhundla enisithathayo xa kufikwa kwibhalansi phakathi koluntu nokukhula.
Intsalela phakathi kophuhliso lomntu kunye nokumanyana kufuneka ibekwe esweni ngokuqhubekekayo.
Olo bhalansi luyatshintsha ngokuhamba kwexesha, kuba iimfuno zamaqabane kunye neemfuno kulwalamano ziyatshintsha. Unxibelelwano olugqwesileyo phakathi kwamaqabane luqinisekisa ukuba akukho namnye kubo oziva ethintelwe okanye aphulukane nonxibelelwano.
4. Umthetho wezoNxibelelwano
Kubudlelwane bokomoya, ukunxibelelana rhoqo, okunyanisekileyo, okungamangaleli kuyimfuneko.
Umongo wonxibelelwano umamele. Kuqala kufuneka simamele iingcinga zethu kunye neemvakalelo zethu kwaye sithathe uxanduva ngazo ngaphambi kokuba siziveze kwabanye. Ke, ukuba sizivakalisile iingcinga zethu kunye neemvakalelo zethu ngaphandle kokugxeka abanye, kufuneka simamele oko abanye bakuthethayo malunga neengcinga zabo neemvakalelo zabo.
Zimbini iindlela zokuphulaphula. Omnye ujonge ngomgwebo; omnye umamele ngaphandle kokugweba. Ukuba simamela ngomgwebo, asimameli. Ayinamsebenzi ukuba simamela omnye umntu okanye thina. Kumatyala omabini, isigwebo siyasithintela ekuveni ngokwenyani oko kucingelwayo okanye kuva.
Unxibelelwano lukhona okanye alukho. Unxibelelwano lukaFrank ludinga ukunyaniseka kwicala lesithethi kunye nokwamkelwa kwicala lomphulaphuli. Ukuba isithethi sigxeka kwaye umphulaphuli unezigwebo, akukho lunxibelelwano, emva koko kubakho uhlaselo.
Ukunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo, kufuneka wenze oku kulandelayo:
- Mamela kwiingcinga zakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho de ube uyazi ukuba ziyintoni kwaye ubone ukuba zezakho kwaye akukho mntu wumbi.
- Chaza abanye ngokunyanisekileyo oko ucinga nokuziva, ngaphandle kokugxeka okanye uzame ukubabekek 'ityala ngezinto ozikholelwayo okanye indlela ocinga ngayo.
- Mamela ngaphandle kokugweba iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo abanye abafuna ukwabelana nawe ngazo. Khumbula ukuba yonke into abayithethayo, abacinga ngayo, kunye nokuziva yinkcazo yemo yabo yengqondo. Oku kunokuba nento yokwenza nesimo sakho sengqondo, kodwa mhlawumbi akunjalo.
Ukuba uqaphela ukuba ufuna ukuphucula omnye okanye uzithethelele xa iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zabo zivakaliswa kuwe, usenokungaphulaphuli ngokwenyani, kwaye unokuhlaselwa kwiindawo ezibuthathaka. Kungenzeka ukuba babonisa inxenye yakho ongafuniyo ukuyibona (okwangoku).
Mnye umthetho ekufuneka uwulandele ukonyusa ithuba lonxibelelwano oluyimpumelelo: ungazami ukuthetha neqabane lakho ukuba ucaphukile okanye unomsindo. Cela ixesha lokuphuma. Kubalulekile ukuba ugcine umlomo wakho ude ube unikezela ngokwenyani kuyo yonke into ocinga kwaye uziva kwaye uyazi ukuba yeyakho.
Ukuba aniyenzi le nto, ke amathuba okuba nizobeka ityala kwiqabane lakho kwizinto, kwaye ityala liya kwenza ukungaqondani kunye nemvakalelo yomgama phakathi kwenu nobabini iphezulu. Ukuba ucaphukile, sukungxolisa iqabane lakho. Thatha uxanduva lweengcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho.
Unxibelelwano olugqwesileyo lunceda wena kunye neqabane lakho ukuba nihlale nidibene ngokwasemphefumlweni.
5. Umthetho wesipili
Into esingayithandiyo malunga neqabane lethu kukubonisa into esingayithandiyo nesingayithandiyo ngathi
Ukuba uzama ukubaleka ngokwakho, ubudlelwane yindawo yokugqibela ekufuneka uzame ukuyifihla. Injongo yobudlelwane obusondeleyo kukuba ufunda ukujongana noloyiko lwakho, ukugweba, ukuthandabuza, kunye nokungaqiniseki. Ukuba iqabane lethu likhupha uloyiko kunye nokuthandabuza kuthi, kwaye oko kuyenzeka kubo bonke ubudlelwane obusondeleyo, asifuni ukujongana nabo ngqo.
Unokwenza izinto ezimbini, okanye ungagxila kwinto eyenziwe okanye yathethwa liqabane lakho, ucinge ukuba oko bekungalunganga kwaye uzame ukwenza iqabane lethu lingakwenzi oku, okanye ungathatha uxanduva loloyiko lwakho kunye namathandabuzo. Kwimeko yokuqala, siyala ukujongana nentlungu / uloyiko / ukuthandabuza ngokwenza omnye umntu abe noxanduva lwayo.
Kwimeko yesibini, siyeke ukuba iintlungu / uloyiko / ukuthandabuza kufike ezingqondweni zethu; siyayamkela kwaye sazise iqabane lethu ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni ngaphakathi kwethu. Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kolu tshintshiselwano ayisiyokuba uthi, Undiphathe kakubi, kodwa into oyithethileyo / indizisele uloyiko / iintlungu / ukuthandabuza.
Umbuzo endimele ndiwubuze ayikukuba, Ngubani lo undihlaseleyo? Kodwa kutheni ndiziva ndihlaselwa? Unoxanduva lokuphilisa iintlungu / ukuthandabuza / uloyiko, nokuba omnye umntu ulikrazule inxeba. Ngalo lonke ixesha iqabane lethu likhupha into ethile kuthi, sifumana ithuba lokubona ngobuqhetseba (iinkolelo malunga nathi kunye nabanye ezingezizo) kwaye sibavumele bawe kube kanye.
Kungumthetho wokomoya ukuba yonke into esikhathazayo kunye nabanye isibonisa loo nxalenye yethu esingafuniyo ukuyithanda nokwamkela. Iqabane lakho sisipili esikunceda ume ubuso ngobuso nesiqu sakho. Yonke into esiyifumanayo kunzima ukuyamkela ngathi iyabonakala kwiqabane lethu. Umzekelo, ukuba sifumanisa ukuba iqabane lethu liyazingca, inokuba kungenxa yokuba sizingca. Okanye inokuba iqabane lethu liyazimela kwaye iyinto esingenako ukuyenza leyo okanye esingaziqinisekisi ngayo.
Ukuba siyawazi umzabalazo wethu wangaphakathi kwaye sinokuzithintela ekuboniseni uxanduva lokubandezeleka kwethu kwiqabane lethu, iqabane lethu liba ngutitshala wethu obaluleke kakhulu. Xa le nkqubo inzulu yokufunda phakathi kobudlelwane iyinto efanayo, intsebenziswano iguqulwa ibe yindlela yokomoya yokuzazi nokuzaliseka.
6. Umthetho woxanduva
Kubudlelwane bokomoya, omabini amaqabane athabatha uxanduva lweengcinga, iimvakalelo kunye namava abo.
Kuyamangalisa ukuba ubudlelwane, apho kugxininiswa ngokucacileyo ekuhlaleni nakubudlelane, akufuneki enye into ngaphandle kokuthatha uxanduva kuthi. Yonke into esiyicingayo, esivakalelwa ngayo, namava ethu yeyethu. Yonke into iqabane lethu elicinga ukuba livakalelwa kwaye namava ayo. Ubuhle balo mthetho wesithandathu wokomoya ulahlekile kwabo bafuna ukwenza amaqabane abo ukuba abenoxanduva lokonwaba okanye ukubandezeleka.
Ukuyeka ukuqikelela yenye yeyona mingeni mikhulu kulwalamano. Ukuba ungavuma okwakho-iingcinga zakho, iimvakalelo zakho, kunye nezenzo zakho- kwaye ungashiya ezakhe - ezakhe iingcinga, iimvakalelo kunye nezenzo- wenza imida esempilweni phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho. Umceli mngeni kukuba uyithetha ngokunyanisekileyo into oziva okanye oyicingayo (umzekelo, ndibuhlungu) ngaphandle kokuzama ukubekek 'iqabane lakho uxanduva loku (umzekelo: Ndibuhlungu kuba ungakhange uze ekhaya ngexesha).
Ukuba sifuna ukuthatha uxanduva ngobukho bethu, kufuneka sibamkele njengoko bunjalo. Kuya kufuneka sishiye ukutolika kunye nokugweba, okanye ubuncinci siziqonde. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba senze amaqabane ethu abe noxanduva lwento esiyicingayo okanye esivakalelwa ngayo. Xa siqonda ukuba sinoxanduva ngokwenzekayo, sihlala sikhululekile ukwenza ukhetho olwahlukileyo.
7. Umthetho Wokuxolela
Kubudlelwane bokomoya, ukuxolelwa okuqhubekayo kwakho kunye neqabane lakho kuyinxalenye yemihla ngemihla.
Xa sizama ukuyila imithetho yokomoya exoxiweyo ekucingeni kwethu nakwindlela esidibana ngayo, akufuneki silibale ukuba asiyifezeli loo nto. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, akukho kugqibelela kwinqanaba lomntu. Nokuba amaqabane alunge kangakanani omnye komnye, nokuba bathandana kangakanani, akukho buhlobo bubalekayo ngaphandle kwetramp kunye nomzabalazo.
Ukucela ukuxolelwa akuthethi ukuba uye komnye uthi, ndiyaxolisa. Kuthetha ukuba uye komnye umntu uthi: ‘Injalo imeko yam. Ndiyathemba ukuba ungayamkela loo nto kwaye wenze okuthile ngayo. Ndenza konke okusemandleni am '. Oko kuthetha ukuba uyafunda ukuyamkela imeko yakho, nokuba inzima, kwaye uvumele iqabane lakho ukuba liyithathe.
Ukuba ungayamkela into oziva okanye oyicingayo ngelixa ufuna ukuyigweba, kukuzixolela. Ukwamkela iimvakalelo neengcinga zeqabane lakho, ngelixa ufuna ukulawula okanye ukufumana into engalunganga ngayo, kukwandiswa kokuzixolela kuye. Ngale ndlela, uxelela iqabane lakho ukuba: ‘Ndiyazixolela ngokukugweba. Ndizimisele ukukwamkela njengokuba unjalo. '
Xa siqonda ukuba sisoloko sinomntu omnye wokuxolela kuyo yonke imeko, esingabo thina, ekugqibeleni siyabona ukuba sinikwe izitshixo zobukumkani. Ngokuzixolela oko sikucingayo ngabanye, siqala ukuziva sikhululekile ukusabela kubo ngokwahlukileyo kunangoku.
Awunakufumana uxolelo ukuba nje uqhubeka uzibek 'ityala okanye enye into. Kuya kufuneka ufumane indlela yokufumana ityala uxanduva.
Uxolelo alunangqondo ukuba awuzazi ezakho iimvakalelo kwaye awuzimisele ukwenza into malunga nokulungiswa kwalo. Intlungu ikubiza ukuba uvuke. Kuyakukhuthaza ukuba uqaphele kwaye uxanduva.
Abantu abaninzi bacinga ukuba ukuxolelwa ngumsebenzi omkhulu. Bacinga ukuba kufuneka uzitshintshe okanye ubuze iqabane lakho ukuba litshintshe. Nangona lukhona utshintsho ngenxa yoxolelo, awukwazi ukubanga olo tshintsho.
Uxolelo alufuni lutshintsho lwangaphandle ngokungathi lutshintsho lwangaphakathi. Ukuba awusagxeki iqabane lakho kwaye uthathe uxanduva lwentlungu yakho kunye nokungoneliseki, inkqubo yoxolelo sele iqala. Uxolelo asikuko ukwenza into njengokulungisa into. Isenza sikwazi ukulungisa ityala kunye nokusola.
Yinkqubo eqhubekayo yoxolelo esivumela ukuba sigcine ubuqabane ngelixa sifumana amahla ndinyuka angenakuphepheka. Uxolelo lususa ityala kunye nokugculelwa kwaye lusenza ukuba sikwazi ukunxibelelana ngokweemvakalelo kunye neqabane lethu kwaye sihlaziye ukuzibophelela kwethu kubudlelwane.
Iziqulatho