Ukujongana neemvakalelo zokuziva unetyala kunye neminqweno engqubanayo

Dealing With Feelings Guilt With Conflicting Desires







Zama Isixhobo Sethu Sokuphelisa Iingxaki

athetha ntoni amaphupha ngokumitha

Ukuziva unetyala. Ngaba uyabazi? Ufuna ngokwenene ukwenza into ekwenza wonwabe, kodwa iqabane lakho liseta umda ocacileyo. Ufuna ukulandela indlela yomphefumlo wakho kwaye ulungele inyathelo elilandelayo, kodwa uziva unetyala kuba imeko-bume yakho ayikuthandi kwaphela oko. Ngapha koko, zibonisa ukuba xa ufuna ukulandela intliziyo yakho, ubudlelwane buphelile.

Uziva unetyala ngokuzikhathalela nokuya kwi-sauna usuku okanye wenze enye into ukuphinda ugcwalise ibhetri yakho, usazi ukuba uliqabane lakho eligulayo elisesibhedlele kwaye elangazelela olunye utyelelo olushiye ngasemva. Ungazikhathazi ngesiqu sakho kwaye uqhube loo veki okwesine ukuya esibhedlele, ukhaliphe isiminyaminya sendlela esele sikudinisile.

Uvakalelo kunye nolawulo lwamandla

Uziva unetyala kuba uthenga into entle ngokwakho exhasa uthando lwakho, kodwa uyazi ukuba kukho abantu abangenamali yokuthenga isandwich. Akufanelekanga ukuba unikele? Uyagula kwaye umhlobo wakho osenyongweni uza kutyelela, kodwa ukhetha ukujika ebhedini yakho ube wedwa. Ukanti uyamvumela ukuba athethe nawe kangangesiqingatha seyure kwaye akubuze imibuzo onobunzima bokuyiphendula, kuba ayilunganga kwaphela ukumgxotha kuba uze ngokukodwa kuwe. Ungaziva unetyala kuphela ukuba wenzile. Ke uyaqhelana noko kufunwa kokusingqongileyo kuwe…

Iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala zikwenza ntoni?

Zithini iziphumo zokuziva unetyala? Baqinisekisa ukuba uhlala ubomi bokusingqongileyo kunye noko bakulindeleyo kuwe, kwaye ngaloo nto ushiya umendo wakho. Awunguye ngokwakho. Ukuziva unetyala kuqinisekisa ukuba uxhalabile malunga nentlalontle yabantu abakungqongileyo kunokubaluleka kwempilo yakho. Ukuziva unetyala kukwenza ube mncinci kwaye kukugcine kude nesiqu sakho esikhazimlayo.

Baqinisekisa ukuba siyabavuyisa, abanokuthi bajike babe ngumnyango wokwenza abanye. Kwimeko embi, ukuba sizihoya rhoqo kunye neminqweno yethu, iimvakalelo zokuba netyala ziyasigulisa. Ngaphandle kwalonto, iimvakalelo zokuba netyala ziimvakalelo zabantu esinazo sonke kwaye zinento esinokusixelela yona. Akukho nto iphosakeleyo kuloo nto. Logama nje sinobuganga bokumamela umyalezo ophantsi. Ke iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala sisiqalo sendlela entsha yokunxibelelana nawe kunye nendalo yakho. Apha ngezantsi ndikubonisa ukuba ungayenza njani loo nto.

Ungenzani?

Ukuziva unetyala kukucela ukuba ujike ungene ngaphakathi. Zifuna ukubonakalisa ngokwakho kwaye kufuneka wenze ixesha lakho kunye nelakho. Sihlala sithande ukubaleka oko kubizwa ngokuba ziimvakalelo ezimbi njengonetyala. Siya kwi-netflixing, sifike kwi-intanethi, sidlale imidlalo okanye sijonge ezinye iziphazamiso okanye iinqwelomoya kwi-anesthesia enje ngeziyobisi, isini, iivenkile okanye utywala. Ngelixa ungena ngaphakathi kwaye uziva imvakalelo kwaye uphanda ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kanye kanye, kusebenza ngakumbi ngakumbi kwaye kuqinisekisa ukubuyiswa konxibelelwano.

Okokuqala, unxibelelwano kunye nawe kwaye ukusuka apho unokunxibelelana kwakhona nendalo yakho. Ukuba unesibindi nesiqu sakho. Uqhubeka njani? Apha ngezantsi uyakufumana amanyathelo asixhenxe anokunceda ekubonakaliseni kwakho kwaye akukhokelele kwinyathelo elitsha.

  1. Qaphela ubunyani kunye nento eyenzekayo. Qaphela ukuba uphendula kwiimvakalelo zakho zokuziva unetyala okanye unomdla wokuphendula kwiimvakalelo zakho zetyala. Yiva apho igquma khona emzimbeni wakho kwaye uphefumle kakuhle. Molo ityala, nantsi!
  2. Yiba nomfanekiso ngqondweni wophawu lokumisa uze ubeke igama elinetyala kulo . Lixesha lokuba ukhethe okwahlukileyo ngoku. Unokubona ngeso lengqondo ibhodi ephambili ngokhetho olutsha kuyo. Okanye umqondiso okwimo yamehlo ebona yonke into. Yenza into efanelekileyo kwaye uzive ulungile.
  3. Yiba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wemeko enokwenzeka ukuba ubusebenza kwaye uphendule kwityala lakho. Kwenzeka ntoni kuwe? Uziva njani ngoko? Kwenzeka ntoni kumandla akho? Ngaba uziva umncinci kwaye ungabalulekanga? Zeziphi iimvakalelo ezilandelayo? Zive, uzive kwaye uphefumle uthando ngakubo. Emva koko beka lo mboniso ecaleni okanye uwubeke kwibhokisi endala.
  4. Yiba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wemeko enokwenzeka ukuba ubusebenza , kwaye uphendule kwiminqweno yomphefumlo wakho okanye ukuthanda kwakho. Yiba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wokwenza kwakho ukuba iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala bezingabikho? Ukuba akukho qabane okanye indawo efuna ukukumisa kwinyathelo lakho elilandelayo. Kuza kwenzeka ntoni ukuba ulandela umnqweno wakho ungalandeli omnye? Ungabiza malini? Ungathanda ukwenza njani ubomi bakho okanye ubudlelwane? Ubonakala njani uqobo lwakho? Yiba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wemeko ekungekho mntu unokukunqanda. Ngaba ubomi bakho buya kujongeka njani ukuba iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala bezingekho? Bhala phantsi konke oku.
  5. Zixolele. Zixolele ngenxa yeemvakalelo zokuba netyala ohamba nazo ezikuthintela ekubeni ube nguwe. Khumbula uMthandazo Wokuxolela WaseHawaii, iHo'oponopono: Ndiyaxolisa, ndixolele, ndiyakuthanda, enkosi. Yitsho kuwe kwaye uxelele omnye umntu. Yenze ude uzive ukhaphukhaphu.
  6. Yabelana ngomnqweno wakho neqabane lakho okanye nendalo yakho .Sebenzisa ukucaca okufumeneyo ukuthatha inyathelo elilandelayo kwindlela oyikhethileyo. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ubone indawo yokuphela, linyathelo nje elilandelayo. Ukuba abantu ebomini bakho bayakuthanda ngokwenene, bazimisele ukukunika indawo yokukuvumela ukuba ukhanye kwaye bona ngokwabo bathathe uxanduva lokuvavanya ulawulo lwabo lweemvakalelo. Ewe ukulungele ukunceda nokuxhasa iqabane lakho okanye enye kule! Ukuba umntu uyakuthanda, ufuna ukuba ubhabhe. Ukuba uyalithanda iqabane lakho, ufuna ukuba neqabane lakho libhabhe. Ukuba ninomnye nomnye kwimiphanda, kwaye ninamathele kwimeko kuba sele ninxibelelane nendawo enokuphela okanye isiphelo sokugqibela, ukhusela amandla kwaye akukho mntu unokukhula okanye achume. Ukuziva unetyala ngababulali bamaphupha akho! Nguwe kuphela onokuthi uzalisekise amaphupha akho, kungabikho mntu wumbi. Yazi ukuba awukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo kunye nokuphendula kwabanye abantu. Ngabo kwaye ngumsebenzi wabo ukufunda indlela yokujongana nale nto. Ndiyathemba ukuba lukhona lonke uncedo abaludingayo kubo!
  7. Bukela ukuthembela. Kukho impendulo kuyo yonke imibuzo ongakwaziyo ukuyiphendula okwangoku. Yiba nesibindi sokuthemba ukuba yonke into sele ikho, kubandakanya zonke izisombululo kunye nezinto ezinokwenzeka ozijongileyo ngoku ngoba ungumntu onomda omiselweyo womntu. Kumfanekiso omkhulu nakwintsimi yokwazi yothando sonke sidibene. Eli candelo libanzi ligcwele ngamathuba. Kuya kufuneka uyivule ngokwakho. Yiba nesibindi sokuyifumana ngokuthatha inyathelo elifanelekileyo nelilandelayo, ngokusekwe kunxibelelwano nentliziyo yakho kunye nokuthanda kwakho.

Iziqulatho

  • Ukujongana nomsindo ubeka ityala ngaphandle kwesizathu